omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
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