i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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