Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
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