whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Randomize
