Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
