i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I just had sex on a roof
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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