The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
