if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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