I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
