therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
