sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Randomize
