i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
tonight lets celebrate not being married
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
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