Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Randomize
