I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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