her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
