That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Someone signed my nipple.
Randomize
