I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
