my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
