ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
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You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
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Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
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