I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
