u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize