Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
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