dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
