i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
