Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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