I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
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