This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
