you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
