New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Randomize
