i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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