how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?