I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection