I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?