Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Randomize
