either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
