I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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