Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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