Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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