I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
