So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
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