woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
