I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
