remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
