yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
