How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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