you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
