I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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