God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Randomize
