wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
