Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
