I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
