It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
