I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Randomize
