I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
