I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Dignity is for republicans.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
