Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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