if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
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