So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
True strength comes from lack of pants
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
