i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
