it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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