Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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