Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
So many bounce houses so little time
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Randomize
