Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Randomize
