remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Randomize
