We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
