I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
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If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
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Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
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