I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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