Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
