Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
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