You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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