Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
