She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
then he tried to convert me to islam
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
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