I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Randomize
