Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Damn victory sex feels great
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
