I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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