So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
