my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law