Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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