You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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