I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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