my soul wont recognize me after tonight
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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