I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize