Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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