I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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