My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
