we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Randomize
