i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
